The day after tomorrow (Sunday) is the anniversary of my husband's passing from pancreatic cancer. Irv took his last breath at 9:23 AM on November 30, 2019 as I held him, and it feels like only yesterday that he left us and went on ahead.
To say that life without my soulmate has been painful is understating things and then some. There are no adequate words for the situation. I loved the man more than life itself, and it is still difficult to wrap my mind around the notion of years of life without him. Flourishing is not in the cards. Just surviving is hard work.
For many years, I was married to a guy with a razor-sharp mind, a dry wit, a fine sense of irony and a great laugh. The natural world was an endless source of delight to him, and he never wearied of its grandeur and its beauty. He was passionate about trees, rocks and rivers, fields and fens, birds, bugs and woodland critters, sunrises and sunsets, full moons and starry nights.
He loved his tribe unconditionally. He loved this planet fiercely, and he loved rambling its wild places. Ramble we did by golly, hand in hand and all over the place, packs on our backs, notebooks in our pockets, binoculars around our necks and our doggy sidekicks trotting along with us. I could not have had a more wonderful companion if I had written him into being myself, and I simply could not believe my good fortune. I look back on our life together with amazement and gratitude.
Now it is Beau and I who wander through the great wide world together, in the flesh anyway. Cassie and Spencer, traveled beyond the fields we know long ago, but they are right here with Irv, and all three are walking along in the woods with Beau and I. There will be five of us on the snowbound trail this winter, but some of us will not need parkas and snowshoes or leave paw prints in the white stuff.
There is comfort in knowing that we will walk these hills together, forever. A fine untrammeled wildness dwells in our blood and bones, all of us.
4 comments:
Holding you in my thoughts today, dear Cate.
What a loss, when someone you love so much "goes on ahead" ... and how fortunate were you to have such a companion! Something many only dream of, or have only in the first flush of a new relationship. You've continued in your writing to make your life seem rich and full, Cate, as Irv would want for you. Thanks for showing him off here, and sharing a beautiful partnership with us, your faithful readers. I'll be thinking of you both on Sunday. xoxox
❤️ Sending a virtual hug.
Thinking of you, smiling softly, and sending so much love. Big hugs, too! ❤️
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