She opens her eyes at sunrise, the trailing edges of woodland dreams brushing against her still foggy mind—impressions of roots, warm earth and mossy stones, budding ferns and wildflowers in shady places, flickering sunlight and clear blue sky seen through old trees, the songs of little rivers in their blithe becoming.
There was worry in her dreams, and it lingers as she slowly comes to life with her mug of tea after rambling for hours in the dark. What if she is just floundering through life this time around and not doing anything worthwhile? What if she is unable to get across how rare and precious and fleeting we all are, this planet we are wandering together, every blessed dancing particle in the cosmos? There is so much grace and grandeur and wildness that she despairs of ever capturing even a small scrap of it with words and images. It is humbling to be a miniscule clump of mediocrity in such a vast and wondrous dimension.
In shadowy alcoves in the woods there are scraps of snow here and there, but warmed by the springtime sun, greenery is appearing out of the leaves and mosses in nooks here and there. The tender ferns springing from the granite in her favorite gorge are content just to be there and basking in the cool sunlight of their native place. Perhaps, like them she gets to come back and leaf out over and over again until she gets things right. She remembers Joanna Macy's words, and she is comforted:
It is my experience that the world itself has a role to play in our liberation. Its very pressures, pains, and risks can wake us up -- release us from the bonds of ego and guide us home to our vast, true nature. For some of us, our love of the world is so passionate that we cannot ask it to wait until we are enlightened.
Joanna Macy, World as Lover, World as Self
Somehow or other, she will be here among these hills forever and drinking in the wild light. Her molecules will disperse and reassemble and cavort in many other life forms, but they may remember in some small measure or scrap of their being what it was like to be here this time around. That is quite enough.